Yesterday was going fairly well. I was having a solid grind all day long up ~$125 or so in 3-4 hours then disaster struck during my last sesh. Started my last sesh up ~a buyin and was on my way to having a great winning day, first time in awhile. Then in 1k hands I managed to run 5bi's below EV (Expected Value) and wipe away all of the days profits and end the day -$10 fing dollars......kafsnd;lgna;lkghn;lakrgnh.
I will try to clarify in words how much of a gut punch this is, especially considering how I've been running the past couple months. I'm down ~40 buyins in EV over my past 250k hands and its not like you just deserve to get those buyins back. To people who don't play poker, most just say "Oh well that's gambling, you can never win", which couldn't be further from the truth. Most winning players lose ~30-40% of the sessions they play, depending on stakes and length of sessions. Imagine going to your regular 9-5 desk job and 35% of the time your boss is going to dock your pay for trying/doing your best. Poker is very unique in the sense that we often associate reward or playing well with winning money, which isn't always the case. Therefore sometimes playing your best results in losing a large amount of money regardless.
Anyways, EV graphs and such are nice and might make some people feel better about their play but I have grown numb to them recently due to just seemingly always running bad (below EV). It's amazing how many guys I talk with about hands and they say "Thats standard" or "Wow, that sucks man" "How do you always run bad" etc. I will and do also acknowledge that I don't always play my best as well and part of "running bad" is playing bad. I know I have spewed a few buyins during this hand challenge.
I've never had a month where I was down money this late in the month or negative. It is just ridiculously sick how I can beat a stake for a year/1million + hands and then all the sudden 1 month just not win. I've tried to stay very positive throughout the month, take frequent breaks and do enjoyable things other than poker but I would be lying if I said it hasn't messed with my psyche or emotional state just a little. Poker is such a sick game and you have to be much more emotionally and mentally tough than most, even poker players, realize. Poker has helped make me a better person in the sense, that I've learned to deal and handle my emotions better but there are times like these when it is very tough.
I am not down and out by any means though. I woke up this morning, already started studying hands, reading the forum and getting in the mindset of playing the best poker I can play. I am still a very upbeat and happy person but the last couple weeks have really gotten to me. I have misplayed a few spots due to being a little tentative but overall I still think I am playing well and am looking forward to playing solid today.
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