My re-entry back into the real world

Well as many of you know I recently quit poker in pursuit of a "real" job. Basically I have broken even since June and even had my first losing month EVER as well in July. It was a culmination of stress, aggravation and almost knowing the inevitability that quitting poker was coming.

At first I was pretty much full of every negative emotion that one could think of. Starting around July I began to isolate myself with "last ditch" attempts to save an essentially doomed career, given my current state of mind and life situation. I hated myself for "failing" to attain certain goals set for myself when I first started playing for a living. I looked at myself as a failure at not only poker but life in general. I was just in a very bad spot in life with bills piling up and no real way to pay them.

I started shipping out resumes in September and received job offers nearly right away. I declined numerous insurance jobs due to already doing it before and absolutely despising it. I also turned down a couple office jobs that started out with a decent hourly despite me not having/finishing my college degree. This was also a regret of mine during the process as I could have finished a couple of times in the past and didn't see the value you it at the time. Life lesson learned and when I get the chance to finish I am going to.

Eventually I found a job after about a month of searching that is a second shift factory job in the medical industry. I snap took the job as I know people who work there and its a clean and good environment for a factory. I never once thought I would ever work in a factory but it has honestly been a great experience for me. Considering most of my problems were financially related and relatively easy to fix, I learned and heard what real life problems are from my co-workers. It has shown me a new appreciation for people and society in general.

When you play poker for a living all you do is play, think, eat and sleep poker. To paraphrase a quote from a recent article about a high stakes pro Zugwat, All your happiness is tied to winning or losing when you play poker for a living. That's literally all you really care about in life, is whether you won or lost money that day. Then you get up the next day to do it all over again. And for many of us who play poker seriously, its not just a 9-5, 5 day a week job, its a 10+ hour 7 day a week job month after month and to become good at it it essentially has to become an obsession and way of life.

It took me awhile to accept it, despite knowing and realizing this for some time. I can now look back and realize that playing poker for a living online is an awful way to spend ones life. I have no regrets playing for a couple years and making a living from poker but I realize now how negative it was for my overall life goals and overall happiness.

I do feel fortunate to have been able to chase my "dream" at playing poker for a living and doing it for a couple years. I feel good to know that I accomplished some of the things I set out for, got to live and experience many great things I would not have had I continued down my path in Indianapolis at that point in my life.

I only have one regret with poker and that was starting with the massive debt load that I did. It was ultimately my undoing a couple years later but it has all worked out for the best I think. I am the happiest I have been on a daily basis in at least a year. I actually look forward and kind of appreciate having an actual job to go to every day. I stay pretty active, I'm not stuck behind a desk, I socialize with some people that are great characters. None of which would have happened had I continued to grind out poker.

I have also re-discovered my love for the outdoors. I grew up fishing and have gotten back into that as well as discovered my love for bowhunting. It's hard to describe the feeling I get sitting in the woods and a deer, racoon, turkey etc walk by and have on clue you are there. Ted Nugent said it best "Hunting is the last 100% pure sport in the world". I realized this when watching a doe and her fawn come through the woods without too many cares in the world. All the while I was trying to get a good shot at the doe but still.

Six months ago I couldn't had said that I would be a much happier person quitting poker and getting a normal job but here I am. I feel refreshed and almost like a new person being "re-introduced" to society and becoming a contributing member once again. I have a new appreciation for many things I once took for granted. I feel good about doing something I loved for a couple years, which is something most people never have the luxury of doing, when it comes to a job. While I have begun playing poker occassionally again, it will most likely be a couple of months until I attempt to play 40-50k hands a month again. For one, deer season goes until January 2nd (I think) and there are just more important things in life than sitting in front of two computer monitors with my headphones on clicking away on my mouse. I have played a little bit as the graph above shows my rebuilding of a bankroll at 10nl so far this month.

In short I'm back to living, loving and experiencing life with no regrets as I go. I wish all my friends in the poker world the best in their own pursuits with poker and hope they find their own happiness with poker and life. I look forward to staying in contact with many of you and its cool to have become friends with so many great people around the world. It is very difficult to find a harmony with poker and life but its ultimately a personal choice, acceptance and realization that one has to make on his/her own.

Cheers to the sick "real" life!!

USA soccer, fishing and poker

I have to start off with the USA World Cup game this morning where Donovan scored in the 91st minute. This definitely ranks high on my all time favorite sports moments, given that England was winning 1-0, eliminating us unless we scored, which happened with 3 minutes left in the game. I'm probably partial since I played soccer growing up until college but I'm glad to see the USA soccer program grow and get to a level that we are no longer a laughing stock and potentially a threat to other powerhouse countries now.

I also started fishing a local Tuesday night circuit last night. Unfortunately I didn't catch any keepers to weigh in and get some points but it was a learning experience and probably for the best. As simple as fishing seems to many it can be very tough and many uncontrollable variables come into play with fishing. Travis (my step-dad) weighed in 4 fish, had big bass and finished 2nd. So, we caught plenty of fish and I had my chances as I lost a keeper that was about 2 lbs with an hour left but that's fishing and some days things just don't go your way. There are 10 tournaments left and I still have an above average chance to make the end of the season classic so I'm just gonna keep putting in my time and making the most of the opportunities as they present themselves. Plus fishing is extremely enjoyable for me and is second nature, even after an almost 10 year hiatus. It's crazy to think how good or competitive I am and can be given almost a decade off.

My 10nl challenge is cruising along as well. I've been playing other limits as well as some Rush poker so I haven't been devoting all of my time to it. I am up ~66 buy ins now after 84k hands and will just continue to play 10nl when I feel like it. The past ~20k hands at 10nl have been brutal but I've still managed to make some money because it is 10nl after all.

I am around 110k hands so far on the month. Which leaves me 65k hands shy with 7 days to go to reach my 175k hand goal and prop with Natisfinest. I haven't talked to him recently but I'm sure that sicko has like 250k hands in already because he's a sick grinder. Today has been a day off for me and I'm going to try and wake up and just play tomorrow so I'm hoping for maybe 15k hands tomorrow.

Halfway there

Well I am over halfway to my $1k goal at 10nl. I think I started the challenge the 4th or 5th, so ~55 buyins in 10 days isn't bad, but it is 10nl after all. This challenge has been fun for numerous reasons. It has forced me to get back to some basics that I had gotten away from and was causing me to spew. It's pretty funny because I played a hand where I flopped an OESFD (Open ended straight flush draw) a couple days ago and 3 barreled and the guy called me down with bottom pair for his stack. Gotta love it!

I have settled some of my verbal abuse at the tables as losing/winning $10 here and there isn't anything to get mad over. Hopefully I can continue my attitude as I move back up. I might try and write up a couple things I found while playing 10nl afterwards.

I am going to start fishing each week in a circuit which I am really excited about. It will help get me back into fishing semi-competitively again and just get me used to being back on the water and fishing different places. My 2 year goal with fishing is to be in the local club and fishing those along with other somewhat local tournaments. It's very motivating to think about and will also provide a release from poker. Fishing is relaxing but will also still allow me to compete for fairly little monetary fun.

June is going well so far. I am behind my 175k hand prop bet for the month, I think I'm around ~65k hands so far. So, I need to step that up but I don't have anything planned until the 4th of July therefore I should just continue getting in alot of volume and enjoying the benefits of playing alot.....ie money and fpps nom nom nom.

Self imposed $1k @ 10nl challenge & Blackhawks win!!

A few days into this month I had a -12 buyin day at 25nl and decided to drop down and made up a 1k @ 10nl challenge for myself. I did this out of annoyance for continuing to fucking run bad, to help make sure I am playing a fairly basic game and to just have a fresh new challenge for myself. I have been guilty in the past of trying to outplay or over think plays at 50nl and lower in the past and I think I have been doing it again recently.

I originally wasn't gonna play anything above 10nl until I made $1k but realized that I'm burning money by not playing higher during this self challenge. The graph above is how I am doing so far. I am hoping to continue this pace and make $1k under or around 100k hands.

Mentally my poker confidence is probably around 50%. It just seems like every session comes with a set over set, KK vs AA along with multiple sets losing to 4 flushes and straights. All of those things are standard but when they are happening every session and every 1k hands or so after 500k+ hands it has beaten me down. Unfortunatly I have been taking my anger out on people at the tables by berating people as well which is just totally unacceptable. I'm hoping that completing this little challenge will help me regain my confidence as well as composure.

The Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup also this week which is awesome. I watched the parade today and is such a great feeling to see a group of young and talented players receive what they have worked so hard for.

This weekend will be busy with the US world cup game against England, my cousins wedding and another cousins birthday. The wedding along with the rest of the weekend should be a really good time.

Finally moved and getting settled

I finally moved home at the end of April. The trip took me around 42 hours total as I only managed to sleep for 4-5 hours the entire time. I attempted to sleep for an hour in a McDonalds parking lot in Albuquerque New Mexico, then woke up and drove another 4 hours to Amarillo Texas where I managed to get around 3-4 hours of sleep in another McDonalds parking lot the first night. I woke up around 4:30 am and powered the rest of the way home arriving around 2am California time.

The drive wasn't actually that bad. I lost around 3 hours due to construction/accidents and I didn't have any car break downs so I couldn't really ask for much more. The drive was around 2200 miles but was kinda fun. I drove through snow in Flagstaff Arizona, got sleeted on before Albuquerque and then got rained on most of the second day driving through Oklahoma and Missouri. Arizona and New Mexico are just baron and a vast nothingness but it starts to get green around the middle of Oklahoma again. I got a chance to catch up on conversations with a few people on the drive back so that was great also.

Last week was my first week being back in northern Indiana in about 6 years. It's nice being back in my home area. I am realizing how much I missed the lake's. I am excited to get back into fishing within the next month or so. Hanging out on the lake is also coming up and should be fun and provide some random entertainment for me as well.

It's nice how laid back and slow paced everything is here. I lived in Indy after college then moved out to San Diego and I feel like I can finally get a foothold established somewhere and slow things down for awhile. One of the great benefits of playing poker online is that I can do it virtually anywhere I can get a good internet connection.

Short term I am looking to get a few personal things taken care of and get settled in and embrace the idea of possibly living in the area for an extended period of time. It sounds weird to say it but it's nice to be able to choose where you want to live and not be forced by job, family or other obligations. After living in the city then on the West Coast I feel like I could really enjoy the lakes area and can see myself sticking around, getting a small lake house or something practical and just kick back, play poker, travel and enjoy life.

Cheers to the upcoming summer and always having fun no matter what life throws my way! Oh and I finally got back into the green yesterday so winning money is always a good thing.

A 40 hour work week = Win

Above is the first 40 hours this month, not counting rakeback/bonuses. I measured it this way to make it feel like I have a "real" job. It's very funny to think about how different my life would be if I was still doing a job that was unfulfilling and menial (imo). 10 years ago I figured I would be married with a house, kids and a 9-5 office job by now but I am very happy with how my life has turned out to this point.

I know I talk and compare poker to a normal job a lot but it comes up in discussions with other poker players so much. It's normally in the context of "I used to do this job for X amount and wanted to kill myself blah blah". I guess it's just the excitement and joy from doing something you love and it seems so ridiculous to do anything else for an income at this point in my life. I hope to ultimately transition into a trader, maybe day trader maybe not, as the concepts and risk aversion are very similar. I enjoy reading and following the market and research in my spare time so I can definitely see myself investing over the next few years and 5-10 years down the road only doing that and playing poker for fun.

Moving home will be a good experience as my good friends in Indianapolis are having their wedding reception in early May, my cousin is getting married in early June, then there will be big parties around the 4th of July and I'm sure more things will continue to pop up to keep the boredom at home to a minimum. It should also allow for me to devote a lot of time to poker as well, with minimal distractions and help get all aspects of life in order. I'm very curious what I will be saying about "home" 3 months from now. I hope I am still enjoying it as there are enough quality people around to make things fun. It will also be interesting because I haven't been home for an extended period of time for almost 4 years. I kinda feel like that person in the movie that goes off to the big city and has to go back home for some reason.

I'm enjoying my last few weeks here in SD. Joey got tickets to the Padres vs Braves game last night which was pretty fun. Petco park is cool and down town SD is really nice to begin with. I'm still not sure if I will start my journey home late next week or the following week. I'm not in a big hurry and am just trying to enjoy the last few things I can before I move.

I'm gonna continue grinding it out in very minimal stress games and hopefully keep running and playing well.

Who knew I ran bad?

Haha, just trying to stay positive through this sick stretch. I noticed the above graphs while compiling all of my into for taxes for 2009. Taxes, lovely......yah right.

The top graph is 25nl and the bottom is 50nl. It is what it is. I am still winning through this stretch so that's good, obviously. I think people running bad and saying they don't win because they run bad is only an excuse for ~200nl and higher. You are bad if you can't beat 100nl and below, it's not because you just run bad. I haven't played much 100 but know a bunch of guys who do and I'm confident I can beat it when I make the move up.

I will be moving home to northern Indiana within the next couple of weeks. As I said in my last blog I have a lot of stuff going on in my life that needs to be taken care of and my lease expiring here in San Diego is perfect timing for me to do so. I am no longer looking at moving home as a bad thing either. It will allow me to get 100% of all aspects of my life together. It will be during the summer time as well which is the "good" time to move home and enjoy the lake. I'm sure I will be devoting alot of time to poker as well and should just be very good for me all together.

I have also opened myself up to the idea of even staying at home longer than the summer, eventhough that isn't my intention. I think it would be a pretty good life to live in the area I grew up, buy a lake house, a boat and have a very comfortable stress free lifestyle. Like I've said since I began playing poker, I will just go with where ever life takes me and make the most of the possibilities that I come across.

25 for life yo!!

It would only be fitting to follow up a moving home post with a busto/run bad poker post right, haha. Above is this past week at 25, where I have dropped down to regain confidence to move back to 50 again.......still working on that confidence thing.

It's kind of funny because I don't like talking about running bad etc because when I hear someone talk about that, it normally means you suck and your using a scapegoat. So, to that I admit I do use it as a crutch or a scape goat sometimes. Lately I feel as though variance has just beaten me down to a nub and with all of the other things going on in my life, it has started to weigh on me heavily. Despite the past few months and all the real life things I still don't hate playing poker. When I come out of this stretch of what the fuck everness I will still love poker. In the past when my job/career has gotten to a similar low point, it has been where I have figured out what else I want to do, yet I find myself still wanting to play poker. Poker really does make me happy, as sickening as that may sound considering my past few months. All I can do is try and focus on playing better, making the right plays and not tilting and things will come around.

The next few weeks will undoubtedly be tough but I'm just gonna put my head down and grind. I don't really have another option and it's just what I have to do.

I have almost made it through the entire series of The Wire and I have to agree with most people that it is one of the best series ever. The writers/cast do a really great job of giving it such a realistic feel as well as a compelling story line that you can't help but like it.

Cheers to playing better and things will get better!!!

Dash

Moving home for the summer

Well after much thought over the past couple months I have decided to move home for this summer for many reasons. The first being that my step father had a heart attack a few months ago and things have been rough for my parents. So moving home to help them out as much as I can is the least I could do. Just helping out with the little things and being around to see my mom will help. My mom has missed me greatly so I am looking forward to spending time with her as well.

I have also had a couple bad months in a row with poker. I'm not talking negative losing months, I still haven't had a losing month and wouldn't expect to have one until I start playing upper small stakes or mid stakes. I have just had about 3 months in a row where my expected income, income I had and was starting to make regularly, cut in half. This would have been alright had I not been retarded earlier in life and racked up a bunch of credit card debt. I ran up a lot of credit debt just trying to hang with the people and do the things that I thought mattered in life and now that I'm a little older I recognize that those were very bad decisions and have to pay for them, every month now later in life. So, moving home to pay things off over the next 6-8 months is the main goal as I am planning to move back out here and live with an old college roommate and some others in the fall.

Another major reason is the current climate of online poker. http://www.pokernews.com/news/2010/03/no-more-delays-for-the-uigea-8051.htm. This has been in the back of my mind since moving out here but the bill was delayed until June 1st 2010 therefore allowing for some breathing room. Basically all the bill will do is make it harder for recreational players to deposit money online. That still isn't the biggest worry however. The bill is aimed at business accounts, not personal checking/banking accounts. The big worry is that banks will start to over block and enforce these regulations on the average checking account therefore making it very hard for me to withdraw my winnings. Again these regulations go into effect June 1st therefore being at home and not having ~10-15k in living expenses over my head is probably the smart thing to do for the time being.

One of the best things I love about poker is that I can just pick up and move wherever as long as I have an internet connection. Ever since I moved from Indianapolis, I have really slimmed down on the things I have to move as I was pretty sure I would be moving again after I got out here. So I haven't really purchased any furniture. It's kind of nice though. I made a choice after leaving Indianapolis to shed alot of the things that don't really matter in life. I am very happy leading a simple life and just having the necessities. That being said I have an excellent computer set up for poker but I still don't have a bed. This isn't a bad thing either. I consciously told myself I wasn't going to get a bed and other furniture until I found a permanent place to settle down again. I still haven't found that place. I love southern California very much and hope to settle down here in the near future.

At first I was very depressed and sad at the notion of moving home but after much thought it really is the best move for me and my future. I embrace moving home and really helping out and getting ahead in my own life as well. Also my main goal is to move back out here to Huntington Beach in the fall around October. That should provide a good amount of time to help get things right in all parts of my life.

A comment about "running bad"

I honestly feel like everyone who takes and plays poker seriously should suffer a 20-40 bi below ev stretch sometime relatively early in their career. The reason I say this, is due to my last ~200k hands I have ran around ~40 buyins below ev. During this time, I have wanted to quit, destroyed things, loved poker but managed to look at myself very introspectively as a person and what I really wanted out of life. I have questioned taking the plunge into poker as a career for the time being and realized, last month while still "running bad", that I truly love poker. Maybe I am semi-masochistic, maybe I am chasing the next loss/run-bad stretch? I doubt it because I hate losing and am not an avid shot taker, hence being fairly risk averse.

I always knew I liked poker better than other jobs I have had prior but even during this rough patch, I still have the desire to play and get better. It's the getting better part and wanting to work harder part that has been a huge benefit to "running bad" for me. I have been very fortunate to have a great coach, roommate and other poker friends throughout to help keep me sane and inspire me in different ways. It's the desire to get up and grind and get better that makes me appreciate and want to make the most out of my poker opportunity. I had an idea that I felt like this before but the past couple of months have truly solidified and reinforced my passion and appreciation to be able to do something for a living that a am passionate about.

I also read and hear every single day about someone who is "running bad" or running 6 buyins below ev, etc and most people really do not have a clue to be honest. I'm not trying to be mean or say I am better than others I am just being honest and a realist. I think far too often people convince themselves that they are just running bad or blame their bad play on variance and getting sucked out on when in fact you are just playing bad to begin with and it snowballs into "running bad". The reason I can say this is because I have gone through a couple periods like this. Periods where I thought I was better than the competition and had just convinced myself that my account was rigged. Don't get me wrong, thinking you are better than the competition is a good thing but I think we sometimes play improperly vs someone whom we view as inferior which can then snowball to playing other hands poorly etc etc...

All that aside I'm off to a good start this month and running above ev! I have a lot of stuff going on currently such as moving within the next month, then moving again a month or so after that, then moving again a few months later. I have a pretty busy year as far as moving around but I am ok with it all. It should help me really focus on poker and taking things to the next level. Cheers to March and F February!!!

Almost the end of the month

Since last week I have continued to only play 50nl FR and have continued to do well. I had a little breakeven stretch in there where I was absolutely card dead but managed to run ~$300 above ev in one session. Interestingly enough I still ended down about $150 that session. I have managed to run like god the past 3-4 days and it feels nice for once. It's kind of funny because at the beginning of the month when I was ~15 buyins below ev I was bitching and within 2 or 3 sessions I got it all back. I understand why so many say not focus on the EV aspect of the game but it is very hard to do sometimes.

I am fully into my workout schedule now. I think I am somewhere around 2 weeks and have worked out every day except 2, I believe. I have started lifting earlier in the day, normally with Joey and then getting my cardio in later at night. The past two days I have really stepped it up and ran for 45 minutes and 1 hour. Granted it's on the elliptical but if I run on the treadmill it kills my knees, old soccer injuries. It's still all good though because I've been burning 500+ calories a cardio session so I'm happy. Running for 45 minutes to an hour doesn't seem that long either. I just plug my headphones into the tv and go and the time flies by. I am trying to hit the weights a little harder now that my body has gotten a little more used to lifting again.

I have a few goals in mind with my recent semi-workout obsession.
1) I wanted to get into shape. I was eating fast food and sleeping alot and starting to put on some extra weight.
2) It's a great way to get out of the apartment and do something with my life. I work 4-8 hours a day so there is really no reason why I shouldn't at least get into shape.
3) I knew it would help me overall with poker. This ties in with 1 & 2. By eating healthier and getting into shape it helps me focus on poker much better. I am also sleeping much better and only 6-8 hours a night anymore, with no naps.

Overall all these things add up and make me a much happier person. As a poker player it easy to fall into the groove where you just eat sleep poker. Eating healthier and working out has helped clear my mind and just helped me enjoy life and be much happier in general. I think its a big advantage to wake up in the morning and be ready to go and look forward to the different things throughout the day, rather than just go along with them and complain how much something sucks.

I'm gonna continue to grind out smaller sessions and booking wins. My coach and I have plans for me to start shot taking 100 within the next week or so. I am pretty excited for that and my good results at 50 have helped give me confidence. I'll grind out the last couple of days of the month and then wrap up January.

TV shows and past few days

Since my last post I've had numerous discussions with people and I'm no longer going to play on my own money, regardless of what stakes I play. Which, will only be 50nl and higher from now on. I think the stress and frustration with playing other stakes on my own money are too much currently. Luckily, I have alot of people in my life, not just in the poker world, that are more than willing to help me get through whatever. I owe countless gratitudes to many people in my life that help me more than they know it and its feels pretty awesome to have friends that are willing to do whatever and I would obviously do the same for them. Anyways, I'm back to just focusing on 50nl FR and continuing to beat it for a pretty good rate. I wanna play another week or so and then start to take 100 shots so I am getting amped up for that and feeling very confident.

Playing poker for a living you have to have things you listen to or watch during the sessions since, I will sit in front of my computer for at least 8-10 hours a day. I wanted to make a list of the tv shows that I have watched in entirety recently and currently follow, partly for my own aid but to share some of my opinions on the shows as well. I get asked frequently to recommend tv shows so maybe this will help some.

Sci-Fi:
Stargate SGS-1-Best sci-fi series to date. Great cast, eventhough some stories became repetetive but overall made me really think about alot of mythology that surrounds us. SG1 comes up with theoretical, yet believable reasons for many of the beliefs and mythologies that we find in our world today. The most interesting and base of the show being the real reason for the pyramids.
Stargate Atlantis-Flashier than SG1 but I don't think this cast had the cohesion the SG1 cast had. This story line is mostly left over scripts from SG1 too but a very good series all together.
True Blood-Best "realistic" vampire series on tv. Story writing is pretty solid even though the acting is average.
Battlestar Galactica-If SG1 isn't the best sci-fi series ever, BSG is for sure. The overall story and theme has real world application and makes one think while watching. "What has happened before will happen again" and so on and so forth. It also provides an interesting dilema that we could find ourselves in within the next century, regarding robots and to what extent they actually aid the human race. Well written, directed and acting throughout the entire series with an actual and appropriate ending that we don't see in many series nowadays.
Caprica-Still in its infancy but has promise as the prequal to the BSG series.
Dollhouse-Great writing from Joss Whedon as always but I find myself drifting while watching the last few episodes.
Highlander-A classic and will always be one of my favorites as I watched it growing up.
V-Really good story (I know based off old story) with a modern adaptation allowing them to do many things they couldnt 20 years ago. Acting is kinda sub-par though.
Warehouse 13-I watched the first 12-13 episodes and haven't watched any since......its a cheaper version of The X-Files imo.

Comedy:
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-Best comedy currently on tv.
Modern Family-Best new comedy series with a feux reality film style that adds to the humor.
Cougar Town-Kind of funny but I found myself drifting after the first few episodes. Could be because I'm not a 40 year old cougar, sorry Courtney Cox.
30 Rock-Every episode is funny and always good to put on if I dont feel like watching anything else. Alec Baldwin's character is the best in the show and I think Tina Fey is hot.
Married With Children-A classic and still funny 20 years later.
Arrested Development-Ahead of it's time and a must see for any off the wall humor lover.
The Big Bang Theory-A unique nerdy comedy that keeps me interested as I find myself somewhat identifying with the nerd characters throughout the episodes.
How I Met Your Mother-My old roommate and I classified this as Friends for guys. The writers do a good, yet annoying job of stringing the audience along with the whole, who is the mother story line, meanwhile NPH's manwhore character seems to basically carry the rest of the show. I watch this show every night it premiers and always look forward to watching it.
Californiacation-A sad comedy that follows David Duchuvnys self destructive father/teen-adult lifestyle. A good guys show as we can envy yet be sad as he has sex with many girls and gets smashed/high nearly every episode while destroying his home life.....seems somewhat biographical for him honestly.
Entourage-The best guys show out. My only beef is that they don't make enough episodes and it seems as though the show is becoming bogged down in itself, with the characters in real life getting big egos. But who wouldn't wanna live the Hollywood lifestyle and bang models or get fallout ass as part of your rich friends fame???
Family Guy-Always pushing the limits and continues to give me about 1 "Wow, did they really do that" an episode. I find the jokes going over my head sometimes but I like that the jokes make me think. Best comedy cartoon on tv.
The Office-Anyone who's ever worked in an office can find humor in every single episode. The overall cast is one of the best casts currently on tv as well. There isn't a weak spot in the show and they have given the fans what they want with Pam and Jim getting married as well as having a baby on the way. The 2nd best comedy on tv, behind Its Always Sunny.
Penn & Teller: Bullshit!-An interesting and informative look into many common ideas or beliefs. Penn & Teller do some research and put their quirky funny and uncensored spin on it while actually proving or disproving the ideas/beliefs they are looking into.
Scrubs-Who doesn't love scrubs. I will admit that I love Zach Braffs character but his overall girlishness does get annoying at times but is overshadowed by the excellent cast and writing. Always recommend anyone to watch this.
Two and a Half Men-Who doesn't wanna be Charlie Sheens character, which in my opinion he is just playing himself in real life and not in fact acting. Overall you find yourself laughing, yet envying Charlie's character and the kid as well as the house keeper are solid supporting cast members. I actually find myself never sympethizing for Allen as he is a sorry excuse for a man, which is a testament to the light hearted writing and another excellent product from Chuck Lorre.


Drama:
Mad Men-Is an amazing drama set in the 60's. For someone like myself, in my mid 20's, it provides me the opportunity to get a glimpse of what life was like when my parents were growing up. The story revolves around men in the advertising business. The sexism as well as the over indulgence of smoking everywhere in public is pretty enlightening. I think its an excellent show as the writing and acting provide (to me) an accurate depiction of what it must have been like to live during the 1960's.
Dexter-I really like the idea for the show. There are many times I find myself identifying with him eventhough hes a serial killer. I have found myself not so eager to watch as many episodes midway through season 2 however as some of the story has become mundane but many people tell me it picks back up.
Heroes-Have always loved it since it first came out. Even the boring second and 3rd story building seasons. This season has gotten back to being on track with the overall good vs evil, human evolution side of things this season though. Also, Hayden Panittiere is pretty amazing to look at.
Kings-This was the best drama to come out in the past few years. It is a modern adaptation of The Old Testament's story of David and Goliath. I thought the story was very well written and directed but as NBC likes to do with any great show, they canceled it after one season.
Las Vegas-The most fun and likeable cast out of any series within the past few years, easily. There is an identifiable character for every type of person and who doesn't love Las Vegas. I still don't like the ending but understand since they got canceled. Great fun spirited show with hot girls.
Nip/Tuck-The first 2-4 seasons were really good but then they moved to Hollywood. Since then the show has fallen off but I will continue to watch because, its Nip/Tuck and they always push the envelope for social comfortability on television.
Sons of Anarchy-This gets my vote for the best drama currently on television. It's basically a biker gang version of Sopranos. Since I loved the Sopranos, I love Sons. It also has great acting portraying, what I would view as the common biker/biker gang. The writing is excellent as they throw you a few curveballs and tend to give the audience what we want.
Spartacus-Just premiered last week and is pretty average. It's as if the movies 300 and The Gladiator had sex and produced this overdone bloody tale but it does show full frontal so that's a plus!! I will keep watching because the story does seem well written but I could do without the over exageration of blood, literally every fight and every single punch and blow. It's cool at first but becomes somewhat irritatingly funny after awhile. I understand the directors are trying to convey the raw sense of the Roman culture but its a little overdone.



Reality:
The Hills-Who doesn't love Lauren Conrad??? The show sucks now that she is not on it. I don't care what anyone says but I find Lauren to be a caring and not entirely clueless about the things that go on around her. I don't think Audrina horse face is hot and I could honestly care less about Kristen Cavalari. Spencer is worth the entertainment value alone as he takes douchebaggery to an entirely new level with his social cluelessness.
Jersey Shore-Every episode is one big Ed Hardy/D-bag/Bitch commercial, I love it!! This is the perfect show to sit down, have a drink and be amazed and proud of yourself as you watch the most self-absorbed and truly clueless people be totally ridiculous about the most mundane things.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians-I honestly can not give a rational explanation as to why I like this show but I do. I think it's because there are so many characters and I feel bad for Bruce. Plus I like seeing how ridiculous the girls are and how much they over react about the simplest of situations.
Man vs. Wild-I don't care if he does have situations presented to him and has some assistance. The fact still remains that he's still doing ridiculous things in front of the camera without the help. This show actually provides some real life advice also and I find myself taking away a couple bits of info each episode, if I'm ever stranded in the Gobi Desert of course.
Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew-I've only seen the first few episodes but looks ridiculously promising from a watching a train wreck point of view, plus Dr. Drew is the man.

Anime:
Trinity Blood- This is my first attempt into the world of Anime. It's a futuristic vampire story with all kinds of moral dilemas and comes highly recommended from many who read anime's and mangas. So far it has me intrigued with the vampire vs church story line that has underlying religious and morals undertones throughout.


This list turned out to be way longer than I expected but oh well. So yeah, I watch a shit load of tv but feel as though I am well versed to give an opinion on almost any show on tv. I have watch virtually every show on television but don't follow them because tv is flooded with trash tv. Yes even too trashy for me sometimes.

A new low.....

I was somewhat reluctant to post what I'm thinking at the moment, especially right after a session but it's a blog, its 1:30 am here and noone is really up and fuck it. I have had numerous "down/bad" times throughout my short, 1 year career but sometimes it just becomes too much. The pressure of having bills along with having to play alot under that pressure can just really break me down sometimes. The whole month has really been shitty for me but the past few days especially and I have been playing alot. It just seems like the harder I try and the more I play the less I get out of it or the more disappointment I get out of it is probably a better way of putting how I feel at the moment.

People who don't play poker and are reading this are probably like "Well it's gambling you can't always win" and some even think that you can never win long term, which is wrong. Pouring your heart and soul into poker and losing money equates to the real world/job equivelant of doing your dream job and failing. Or going into your regular job every day and no matter how hard you try or how well you perform, your boss will still yell at you and you will lose a portion of your pay. Imagine going into a typical office job and being docked pay ~30% of the time through no fault of your own, even if you did your job the best way possible.

The variance the past few months has just been killing me. Not just daily, run 2 buy ins below ev (expected value) but the long term effects it has on me mentally. I've ran below ev every single month since August I think or July. Blah blah ev I know but until you have run under ev for an extended period of time you really have no idea what it feels like. I'm not just talking about losing coin flips or villains always hitting flush draws. It's just sick stuff like running AK/KK into AA 13 times the past 8k hands and losing all of them. Losing a large portion of pots I'm playing with half stacked fish who either set mine successfully or flop two pair against my over pair/Top Pair Top kicker, leaving me no room to ever fold. Flop a set lose ever imaginable way possible.

I know I am rambling but I wanted to convey my point properly. So many people, I would venture to say at least 90% of the people who play for a living, for fun, as side income or whatever other reason have little to no understanding of true variance. I'm not talking just winning coin flips, AA vs KK etc..... I'm talking getting paid a certain percentage of the time when you do make a hand. I see so many regs that play horrible and just run so good its ridiculous. They set mine out of position, miss streets of value or just value overall. So many just play terrible and run good at situations that they miss play. I've just developed a large resentment and hatred towards so many players. I don't think its good for my game to hate certain people as it probably leads to me misjudging them or viewing them as inferior and playing improperly.

I read a post daily or weekly about someone having a "downswing" over 40k hands. What they fail to acknowledge or at least admit to themselves is that they have run hotter than the sun on the "upswing" in various ways and are just bad players. I'm far from a great player but I see so many of those posts and guys who are truly clueless. They think its perfectly standard to set mine every opportunity possible because they did so for the previous 100k hands and flopped a set ~15-20% of the time and even more important stacked an opponent some way or another a very high percentage of the time. I'm choosing set mining to really bitch about because the past couple days I have played a ton of 25 as well as some 50 and see regs set mining out of position, in 3b pots etc every opportunity they get and they continue to hit, so why would they know they are playing poorly.

The newest trend of the aggro 3b monkeys is also hilarious to me. I'm starting to see numerous guys with stats like 13/10 with a 10% 3bet. I haven't seen one of these guys thats a significant winner at all. All they care about is squeezing and 3betting every opportunity they get regardless of fish and multi-way hand strength etc. It normally goes like this: A reg will open, a fish will call and then the aggro 3bet monkey will squeeze just to squeeze with hands like JTs and other hands that are better to play in position and multi-way. These guys annoy me for various reasons but the main reason being that they so often squeeze out the fish and end up playing a pot vs a reg. This is probably the biggest reason why none of them are up a significant amount. They are terrible post-flop and 3b all there equity away preflop.

Tangent.........anyways....

Overall it just sucks. I'm feeling alot of pressure with real life stuff and then poker is sort of piled on top. I don't really have a choice or option but to just get up every day and play as much as I possibly can, as well as I can. I'm going to try and play 10+ hours every single day for however many days. If I have to drop and play $10nl just to book wins and gain confidence then so be it. I know and have known as a poker player you have to learn to accept, deal and move on during times like this. It's obviously easier said than done however.

I have been tilting, yelling, throwing shit more than I usually do which isn't good either but the built up pressure just gets to me after awhile. Normally I can take a couple of beats a sesh but when they continue to happen during long sessions and an extended period of time it just sort of builds up. You would think I would have gotten used to it by now but I want to succeed so badly at this, I think that's a big reason why I tilt so hard sometimes. I have been good about quitting when I know I am on tilt and it's effecting my play regardless of how vocal I am.

/Rant post but it's probably good for me to write this out as it helps me deal with it and holds me publicly accountable for things, which should in turn help me become a better person and poker player.

Theology and The Apocolypse

I am gonna try and focus on various other things over my next few posts besides poker. That being said, poker has been ok at best. I have logged about 90 hours so far this month but am really striving for 250 hours and at least 5k in profit so we will see how it goes.

I have always found myself being fascinated with Theology and recently The Apocalypse ideas that are becoming more popular. As far as Theology goes I would technically be classified as an Atheist, but not the Devil worshiping, sacrificial lamb kind. The word Atheism originated from the Greek word "atheos" which meant "without gods" (thanks wikipedia). I feel as though "without gods" is still a somewhat loose wording of what I truly believe in. I do not believe in the typical white whispy-beareded God that many Christians/Catholics believe in nor any one specific god-like figure for that matter.

In all honesty if I believe in anything that would be considered "god-like" it would be the belief of alien life forms and the possible intervention throughout human history. I believe the world has been visited and continues to be visited by some sort of alien life forms. I think this is probably why people pray to the sky or at least how it started as worshiping to the "heavens". It makes logical sense to me considering anatomically alike humans have been around for ~200,000 years whereas the Bible and the Torah have been around for ~2-3000+ years.

Without getting into too many religious beliefs and argument/debate starters I brought up my atheism for a reason. I would like to go back to school at some point in my life and Theology has always been a top candidate, the other being finance. I think the world's varying opinions on the different aspects of religion are fascinating and would be a great experience to travel the world and discuss the world's many religions and beliefs systems with people from many different cultures. I also think I would be able to provide open and interesting research since I don't believe in a specific religion.

The Apocalypse ideas have also really fascinated me as of late. I don't know why an impending doom would really captivate my interest so much but it does. I think the varying ideas that the world will end on December 21st, 2012 exceptionally interesting. I think its the interest of so many people that actually fascinate me. The desire or urge for humans to believe in things we can not control or do not know the answer to is semi-perplexing to me. I guess that is why Science fiction is so popular, I am a very big fan of Sci-Fi and feel as though it is good excercise for the mind to wonder about all the what if scenarios. I think it helps breed creativity as well as way of evolving our thought and problem solving processes as a society.

I do believe the date does hold some sort of significance but I am unsure of what kind of significance it may be. Will it be a solar flare that scorches most of the planet, or a polar shift that plunged the Earth into another ice age, will it simply mean the ending of the Long Count Mayan Calendar resulting in the next step in human enlightenment or perhaps nothing at all and fall by the wayside such as the Y2K fears??

Overall I think Theology and The Apocalypse fears go together. I feel like it is just human nature to believe in the unknown or things that can not be proven 100% fact. Maybe it's just because it peaks our curiosity or because it allows us as individuals to believe in something that empowers us that can't be proven wrong or taken away from us directly?

Some of these ideas have been on my mind, so I decided to regurgitate them into some sort of organized fashion. I am also currently working on an article/poo-bah type post dealing with The Entrapanurial Spirit and Poker. It will probably take me awhile as I want it to be really well put together but I'm probably going to be writing more non poker stuff for awhile.

Im at 10k vpps on the month and only up just under 1k cash so I need to get on my horse and work ~150 hours the remainder of the month.

Off to a good start this year....well kinda

I am fairly happy with the start to the year so far. I wish I was running at even EV for the extra ~$500 but what can you do. I'm still feeling very confident with my play and continuing to get better. My biggest weakness is definitely heads up/short handed play but I am actively trying to start tables and play short handed. I am getting better but its going to be tough because I'm terrible at short handed and heads up.

I had a ~10 hour session the other night where I got insta-stuck 4-5 buyins and was 6 buyins below ev. The bad part about this was that I was stuck within my first hour of the session which I started at ~10:30 pm west coast time. Needless to say I grinded through the night until 7am the next day and finally ended up a little bit, but booked a win none the less.

I'm trying not to focus too much on consecutive wins but I haven't had a losing session at 50nl FR since before Christmas, the same with a losing day. Overall my poker confidence is at an all time high and I'm excited to play and get better every day. My coach/staker is pleased, as you would imagine also and thinks I might be ready for 100nl fr in the next 2 weeks or so. I want to get at least 50k hands under my belt with the same 5-7ptbb/100 winrate and I think I will be ready to attempt 100. This will be my first real attempt at jumping up besides a few shorter sessions I have played in the past.

I just want to continue playing my best poker and hopefully continue this fantastic start to the year for as long as I can. It's amazing how I have figured out a couple of things along with not running horribly and I'm beating the limit for a solid winrate.

Some people from back home recently moved out here as well. It was nice to meet up with them and their two parents as I have known the whole family since I was like 8 or something like that. Should be fun going out with them and catching up as they are both really cool girls.

My roomate from Indy is also flying into town this weekend, so Im really excited to hangout with him as well as I haven't seen him in a few months and we always have a great time. Hopefully he doesn't mind sleeping on the floor as we still do not have any furniture, besides the recliner. But what the hell are we supposed to do, all we do is play poker and ship dollas am I right????

2009 is in the bag

This is the past ~12 days of 50nl. Pretty sure I've figured some things out and pretty confident I can continue to fix leaks, get better and continue to crush while moving up.


My first year of playing poker for a living is officially over. I really feel as though I have come a long way from the beginning of the year. Not just with poker but with life in general. I was able to move out of Indianapolis out here to San Diego. I couldn't be much happier, despite being further from family. The move has been hard for my mom but I try and reassure her that it was the best thing for me to do, which she supports whole heartedly because shes amazing.

My last few months in Indianapolis were somewhat cancerous to me as a person. It's hard to put into words how and why Indy was getting bad but San Diego has been nothing but top notch. Moving out here and starting fresh was exactly what I needed. I have been able to meet a few really good poker players/guys and have enjoyed every minute here so far. My head is clear for the first time in years, maybe since college. Poker is so mentally strenuous that it is very important to keep other life stresses to a minimum because if you don't they boil over into poker which can be disastrous. It's also very beneficial living with someone else who plays poker for a living. We understand what its like to go through the ups and downs as well as discuss strategy and have the same interests.

Its kind of funny looking back on my first year and comparing it to an entry level corporate job. I put in some hard work, got my name out, started making connections and the future looks so promising its ridiculous.

I fell short of my 2009 goals by about $10k profit. I also fell about 80k vpps short of my vip goals. Again, with moving and all the shit that went on in Indy the last few months I'm happy considering the circumstances. On the positive side though, I survived my first year playing for a living with a few struggles along the way but I was able to make ends meet and somehow manage to move to San Diego and I couldn't be happier at the moment.

Looking forward to 2010 my goals are:

Make $100,000 from poker
400k vpps (Vip points from Pokerstars)
Earn 100k vpps by the end of March/early April
Continue to beat 50nl for at least 4ptbbs
Become a 100nl reg within the next month or two
Be taking shots at 200 and 400nl by the end of the year
Get out of debt with the exception of 1 college loan
Go home and see family whenever I want
Travel to at least 1 country overseas, most likely 3 or 4 countries
Find a true balance in life with poker and girls, if it exists
Have my first +10k month
Buy a new car, sorry Sandy The Saab but I need a new ride
Continue exploring San Diego and further up the West Coast
Enjoy life!!!